& Another Thing

Probably you're looking forward to a Thanksgiving feast because they're so wonderful, and I don't begrudge you a mouthful - unless you're one of those dunderheads who starts moaning about 'the poor' and 'the homeless' and that you 'feel guilty because you have so much.' Then you sigh, burp and forget about them. Don't. You. Dare.

If you're going to have a feast then plan ahead. Count every penny that you and everyone at your table spend on your feast and give at least an equal amount of money to a local charity. Include the money spent on wine, this isn't a trick tip question. Even better, over-estimate how much will be spent on your table (special place settings, decorations and candles included) and send that check off today. Right now.

There are many charities that need your help in Oakland and Alameda County. Please consider the Alameda County Food Bank and Project Open Hand. Give $20 to the SPCA, too. Find a warm coat and go to http://www.ktvu.com to find out where to take warm used coats (and mittens, gloves, hats and scarves) for babies, toddlers, children, teens, adults and seniors. There are entire families living in their cars. In cold weather that's exactly like living inside of a freezer. You can also drop those warm clothes off on the porch of OaklandNews and we'll get them to KTVU.

Other generous things you can do: Buy your Christmas tree at the Delancey Street Foundation lot on Broadway, just before Wendy's where College Avenue begins. The staff at the lot come from Delancey Street and every year all of them are incredibly kind and helpful. You'll spend more than you would at Payless, but that's the point. And their trees are great.

You gardeners will love this: The Oakland Zoo accepts certain cuttings as 'browse' for their animals. All this week the giraffes, camels, gazelles and goats will be gorging themselves on rose clippings from my garden, thorns and all. Leftover pumpkins go to a wide assortment of animals - it's a hoot to see elephant eat them whole. The wretched liquidambar limbs that routinely shear off in gusts of 6 mph or more are considered delicacies. And when you finally tire of your acacia, the elephants will eat that, too. Call the zoo first because there are some plants that are toxic to the animals, like all parts of the English Laurel.

Hummingbirds need your help now more than any other time of the year. If you've been feeding them, then they are dependant upon you to keep feeding them, especially when it is cold, wet, cold and miserable and the last thing you want to do is go outside to fill a hummingbird feeder. You can increase the sugar to one-half cup, add water to the brim, stir until as much sugar as possible dissolves. If you remove the bee guards then occasionally you'll see a sparrow, finch or chickadee getting a tiny sugar high, too.

***** People Who Work, Love, Have Lives: One day around Thanksgiving 25 years ago I was buying film for my camera when I fainted at the counter. 'Bummer,' I thought and dismissed the episode after I went back to work. Maybe five days later I fainted again. It wasn't funny and definitely wasn't romantic so I went to see an amazing doctor at Kaiser who, sadly, is no longer there. 'Let me guess,' he said. 'You have a full-time job, a husband or boyfriend and (his) children, you have a house, you're having his parents and others over for the holiday meals you'll be cooking, you are fastidious and you want everything to be perfect.'

I was so proud! I beamed at him and said, 'That's exactly right!'

He gave me a serious look. 'Here at Kaiser we see a 60 percent increase in women just like you, of all ages, who are trying to be perfect. It starts the week before Thanksgiving and doesn't end until after New Year's Day. You come in with unusual episodes of fainting, dry coughs, unexplained fevers and aches, tummy upsets, all sort of problems. Stop aiming for perfection! Is your mother-in-law going to run a white-gloved finger on top of your bookshelves looking for dust? Do the children care how - or even if - all the gifts are wrapped? Can other people contribute food to the meals?'

'I'll know if it isn't perfect,' I muttered, firmly stuck to the principle that dust bunnies reflect one's moral code.

'Then you'll continue to faint or worse and you won't have any fun. No one cares how clean the house is, they care about having a good time. Ask someone else to bring the dessert, or salad or whatever. By the way, for cases like you, I recommend that you learn Transcendental Meditation. I learned it and that's how I stayed married through med school.'

I will guess that what was once true only for woman in large numbers is probably now also true for men, gay, straight, divorced or partnered.

So there it is. TM works and that doctor was so right that my life changed overnight. It's possible that I have become a little too casual -- my 'office' is a disaster. I would pay all my new bills, only I can't yet find the new checks that I know I put in here. I have no qualms about asking guests to bring things. One Thanksgiving my friend Nancy made the entire meal at her house then brought it over here. She assigned me the one vegetable and dishes duty and another friend was put on dessert detail. It was wonderful.

A final suggestion. Is there anything more rattling than the sound of glass breaking? Does someone always drop an ornament? If it's a child, they're shocked and scared, so they burst into tears. Beat them to it! Find the ornament you most despise and break it, or let a child break it, to take the curse off of decorating. If you have a truly precious ornament, then you and you alone should be in charge of it.

Now for the bad news: Council President Ignacio de la Fuente is running for a fourth term on the city council. He recently held his campaign kick-off at which, according to the press release, he expected to see Senator Don Perata and only Jean Quan and Henry Chang of the seven other members of the Oakland City Council. De la Fuente already has about $100,000 in his campaign war chest.

Who we wish would run for mayor: Jane Brunner. Yep, I have been hard on Jane in the past, and she isn't perfect but Jane is light years better than de la Fuente and, once she puts her mind to something she is dogged about seeing it completed. Jane is also the best member of the Oakland city council. I cringe at her relationship with Jean Quan, but that's between them.

Gracie Johnson, one of the great hearts in all of Oakland, recently told Chief Word that she was going to pack up her things and leave because she was so disgusted with Oakland.

'Do that and I'll sign a warrant to keep you here,' said Word.

Sometimes good people are appreciated, and thank heavens Gracie is one of them.

**** From the 11/24 Matier & Ross column in the San Francisco Chronicle comes this exquisite bit about our idiot mayor:

'Jerry's world: Oakland Mayor Jerry Brown has been very open about his intention to run for state attorney general -- so it should come as little surprise that he's brushing up his resume, in some very Jerry ways.

'For starters, State Bar records show that Brown plunked down $492 to reactivate his membership back in May after a six-year lapse. (Brown hasn't practiced law for as long as anyone can remember.)

'But what really caught our attention was a phone call Brown recently made -- or so we're told -- to the president of the University of San Francisco, asking to teach a class at the law school.

'And just what class did the lawyerly Jerry have in mind?

"I'm not sure,'' a knowledgeable source quotes Brown as telling the president. "But if you can send me a catalog to see what courses there are, I'd love to pick one out.''

'Brown didn't return our call requesting comment -- but an aide told us, "He has lots of ideas.'

Note to Matier & Ross: Jerry says that he took on two cases after he passed the Bar exam. One was pro landlord and one was pro tenant. The indication was that those were the only two cases he ever had.